You, me and... no baby!

You, me and... no baby! - Their passion for trekking brought them together. For Kamalika and Tapash of Kolkata, love blossomed during high-adrenalin training sessions of a mountaineering club. And despite being nine years apart, they knew they were meant to be together and take on some death defying adventures.

Married for almost two years now, the couple has taken the first step to realising their dream by floating an adventure sports company that takes groups on camping and trekking excursions. With more ambitious projects in the pipeline, they can't even consider having a child. Asks Kamalika, "Our lives are uncertain, what if we didn't return from an expedition? What would happen to our baby then?" She accompanies her husband on all his trips. "We want to explore a lot of places, and there is no question of bringing up a child for the heck of it," she reasons.

Hers is not a remote instance and a whole new tribe of fiercely independent couples today is choosing to not make babies and focus instead on their creative pursuits.

When Subroto Ghosh (name changed), 40, a journalist living in Pune gave marriage a shot last year, he had one thing very clear in his mind — no babies! And fortunately for him, his wife too came from the same school of thought. He is candid, "The thought of having an 18-year-old at the age of 58 is disturbing. A child should ideally be an independent adult before you retire." He adds, "My wife and I have erratic work schedules. I don't think we would have done justice by bringing another life to the world." To give a dimension to their marriage, the couple has adopted a cocker spaniel 'Belch', that by Subroto's own admission seeks as much attention as a child.

Until some years ago, couples who couldn't have kids were looked down upon, let alone those who chose to not have one. The perception has somewhat changed as more and more couples are opting to never become parents. Says Dr Rajendra Barve, psychologist at IIT Hospital, Mumbai, "These are couples who have found a purpose in life as against those who feel companionship is only about holidaying and partying. The latter usually end up having extra-marital affairs and eventually lose interest in their partner. Baby or no baby, it's about how creatively a couple is intimate with each other."

But for Abhay, 26, a marketing personnel based out of Bhopal, having children is an investment he is not willing to make. A year into marriage, both Abhay and his wife Rhea, have decided to steer clear of parenting. "Being responsible for someone throughout their life makes me jittery. Once you have a kid, you are grounded; either you or your spouse has to sacrifice a career to raise the child. Else, it would be unfair on the kid," shares Abhay. Like Subroto, the couple has adopted a labrador pup 'Foster' that keeps the household alive. 'When Rhea and I go out, Foster gets all sad and distant. It is a terrible feeling to leave him

behind, and we wonder how painful it would be were it our own kid," says he.

Perhaps a pet is easier to deal with and yet gives a high similar to raising a child. Vikram Karve, 54, who wrote a heart-warming short story on a Double Income No Kid (DINK) couple, is married for the last three decades and has grown up children. "We have an empty nest, which our pet beautifully fills up. But this is not to say that you should keep a pet instead of a baby. Those who get married should have kids as it is the kid that brings good vibes into the relationship," he avers.

According to Delhi-based sociologist Reeta Brara, couples not going for kids is a mere trend and not true across the board. Says she, "Blame it on today's self-indulgent lifestyles, where couples are not willing to share their resources even with kids. Young working women often think their career will take a backseat if they planned babies." But Reeta feels some unwed career-driven mothers such as Sushmita Sen are doing a great job of parenting, despite the odds.

Painter-curator, Alka Raghuvanshi, 48, who has married and divorced twice with no kids, is clear. "You can't divorce a child. From diapers to dentures it is a never-ending proposition. Women who say they can balance everything from career to kids, are lying to their teeth," she quips. Alka had lost a baby in her womb just a day before its birth from her first marriage. But she has no regrets, "After the incident I lost interest in having a baby and conveyed as much to my husband. I believe God willed me to not have kids. With a child around I couldn't have travelled the way I did, and painted with the same passion."

With mounting pressures of daily life, couples not willing to make an emotional and financial investment into parenting are on the rise. But how natural or unnatural is it for a couple to not have kids? "It's not a socio-culturally natural way of living," says Dr Bhavna Barmi, senior clinical psychologist and marital therapist at Escorts Heart Institute, "as physiologically, the body has a child-bearing capacity which should be optimised." ( indiatimes.com )

Whatever the decision, it's the 'little' joys that make up life!

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Ten Things that Don't Age Well

Ten Things that Don't Age Well - Like it or not, some inevitable signs of aging are hearing loss (huh?), memory lapses (who?), and increased Acid Reflux, thanks to the valve at the lower end of the esophagus that begins to relax on the job, allowing stomach acid to reflux, or flow backwards. Ouch. Inconvenient? Yes. But completely normal. Here are 10 bodily functions that change with age.

1. Eyes. "Can I have a light with that menu?" Once you reach age 40, you'll notice it's more difficult to focus on objects up close because of presbyopia -- a hardening of the lens inside your eye. When you first notice presbyopia you may be able to compensate by holding your reading material farther away or holding a light to it. Eventually you will need reading glasses, multifocal contact lenses, or multifocal eyeglasses.

2. Ears. "Say what?" Age-related hearing loss, or presbycusis, is the slow loss of hearing that occurs as people get older. Tiny hairs inside your ear help you hear and hearing loss occurs when the tiny hairs inside the ear are damaged or die. About half of all people over age 75 have some amount of age-related hearing loss.

3. Sclera. The whites, well the "off whites" of your eyes. The color of the sclera changes with age from bluish (in babies) to yellowish. This is likely because of accumulation of fat in the scleral tissue.

4. Skin, especially on the neck. Wrinkles on the neck show your age, no matter how many creams you've slathered on; the neck contains thinner skin, which is more sensitive to sun damage. The muscles and skin tissue supporting the neck area are also weaker, making neck skin more vulnerable to gravity over time.

5. Knees and Hips. Degenerative joint disease affects up to 80 percent of the elderly and can be debilitating. The only good news here is that some people who have knee and hip arthritis won't have any symptoms. Oh, and there is also the option of knee and hip replacement.

6. Talk to the thumb. Arthritis of the thumb occurs at the joint found at the base of the thumb, where the thumb meets the wrist. This joint, the carpometacarpal (CMC) joint, is important when trying to grip or pinch. Thumb arthritis is more common in women than men, and increases in frequency over the age of 40 years. Anti-inflammatories, splints and cortisone injections may help, and surgery only as a last resort.

7. Memory. "What was his name again?" Normal age-related memory loss doesn't prevent you from living a full and productive life. You might misplace your glasses or find that you need to make lists more often than in the past in order to remember appointments or tasks. That, my friends, is "normal" with aging.

8. The breasts. In your 50s and 60s, hormonal changes will cause the amount of fat in your breasts to decline, which will shrink your breasts. As women go through menopause, fat will replace most of the breast tissue and cause the breast to lose elasticity.

9. The valve at the end of your esophagus. "Why can't I eat Thai food anymore?" Reflux disease (GERD) is more common once you reach middle age and causes heartburn with spicy foods. As mentioned, the valve designed to keep acid in the stomach lets it flow backward, causing the pain and burning sensation you feel as the acid comes into contact with the delicate lining of the esophagus.

10. The pelvic floor. Ladies, do your Kegels. The pelvic floor is the muscles and ligaments that support the bladder, uterus, vagina and rectum, and it starts to fail as we get older. Symptoms include problems with urinary incontinence, and prolapse of the bladder or uterus. Counter these symptoms with Kegels. ( Healthy Living )


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How to Be Happy at Work

How to Be Happy at Work - If you're unhappy at work--or anywhere else, for that matter--it's because you've made yourself unhappy. There's an easy way to change that.

Let me start off with a little story.

I once knew a saleswoman–young, divorced–who got a diagnosis of breast cancer. She had to work and raise two kids while fighting the cancer. Even so, she managed to be happy at work, noticeably happier than her co-workers. In fact, she not only won her battle with cancer but subsequently became one of the top salespeople at Bristol Myers.

She was not, as it happens, naturally cheerful. Quite the contrary. When she started full-time work, she was frequently depressed. But she turned it around, using the techniques I'm going to provide you in this column.

That saleswoman once told me: When you're unhappy, it's because you've decided to be unhappy.

Maybe it wasn't a conscious decision; maybe it crept up on you while you weren't looking–but it was a decision nonetheless. And that's good news, because you can decide instead to be happy. You just need to understand how and why you make the decisions.

What Are Your Rules?

Happiness and unhappiness (in work and in life) result entirely from the rules in your head that you use to evaluate events. Those rules determine what's worth focusing on, and how you react to what you focus on.

Many people have rules that make it very difficult for them to happy and very easy for them to be miserable.

I once worked with a sales guy who was always angry at the people he worked with. The moment anything didn't go the way he thought it should go, he'd be screaming in somebody's face. He was making everyone around him miserable–but just as importantly, he was making himself miserable, because just about anything set him off.

For this guy, the everyday nonsense that goes on in every workplace was not just important, but crazy-making important.

I once asked him what made him happy. His answer: "The only thing that makes this !$%$#! job worthwhile is when I win a $1 million account." I asked him how often that happened. His response: "About once a year."

In other words, this guy had internal rules that guaranteed he'd be miserable on a day-to-day basis, but only happy once a year.

One of the other sales guys at that firm had the exact opposite set of rules. His philosophy was "every day above ground is a good day." When he encountered setbacks, he shrugged them off–because, according to his internal rules, they just weren't that important. When I asked him what made him miserable, his answer was: "Not much." When I pressed him for a real answer, he said: "When somebody I love dies."

In other words, the second sales guy had rules that made it easy for him to be happy but difficult to be miserable.

I'd like to be able to write that Mr. Positivity regularly outsold Mr. Negativity, but in fact their sales results were similar. Even so, I think Mr. Negativity was a loser, because he lived each day in a state of misery. His colleague was always happy. He was winning at life. He was happy at work.

Make Yourself Happier: 3 Steps

The saleswoman who had breast cancer was happy, too, and this is the method she used to make herself happy:

1. Document Your Current Rules

Set aside a half-hour of alone time and, being as honest as you can, write down the answers to these two questions:

• What has to happen for me to be happy?
• What has to happen for me to be unhappy?

Now examine those rules. Have you made it easier to miserable than to be happy? If so, your plan is probably working.

2. Create a Better Set of Rules

Using your imagination, create and record a new set of rules that would make it easy for you to be happy and difficult to be miserable. Examples:

• "I enjoy seeing the people I work with each day."
• "I really hate it when natural disasters destroy my home."

Don't worry whether or not these new rules seem "realistic"–that's not the point. All internal rules are arbitrary, anyway. Just write rules that would make you happier if you really believed them.

3. Post the New Rules Where You'll See Them

When you've completed your set of "new" rules, print out them out and post copies in three places: your bathroom mirror, the dashboard of your car, and the side of your computer screen. Leave them up, even after you've memorized them.

Having those new rules visible when you're doing other things gradually re-programs your mind to believe the new rules. You will be happy at work. It's really that simple.

Oh, and by the way ... That saleswoman? She was my mother. ( inc.com )

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Are You Too Busy for Love?

Are You Too Busy for Love? - How being accomplished might make women today seem unapproachable — and what they should do about it.

Those of us perpetually single know not to dwell upon one question. Yet at some point, it will nag at us: Why am I always single?

So when my girlfriend Jude's husband, Patrick, offered his surprising opinion during a dinner party, I was all ears. "I'm just glad I asked Jude out in college," he says. "Women were scary enough then, but now you're all so busy and accomplished. It makes you unapproachable."

Looking at the astonished female faces around the table, I secretly wondered if he was right. Are we becoming too busy for relationships?

Are You Too Busy for Love?

"Single women are told to stay busy for two reasons," says Bethany Marshall, Ph.D., author of Deal Breakers. "It's easier to meet men when you're out trying new things, and being distracted can stave off loneliness. But if you don't slow down, you may not even notice when a man is interested in you, or you might convey that your life is full enough as is."

Take my single friend Alexia — classic multitasker. A 34-year-old television producer, she has a prestigious job at a media company, owns her apartment, takes Italian lessons, and in her "spare" time leads an art history lecture at her local community center. Oh, and she also runs marathons. Guys gutsy enough to approach her usually fall puffing by the wayside.

Or Judith Offman, 36, a research biologist who juggles work with hobbies like cooking classes, film club, and Pilates. Like many women, she embraced an after-work activity — volunteering at a Jewish festival — to meet men. She loved it so much, she now runs it herself. "But I'm so busy with the event, I'm still single three years later," she says.

And then there's journalist Anita Sethi, 31. When she's not scrambling to meet one of her many deadlines, she's writing a novel and gallivanting through South America. Yet her glittering résumé hasn't helped her love life — in fact, her last date said he prefers "homey" women.

My suggestion to women is this: Quit wondering why he didn't call, and hop off the treadmill for a bit. Or your soul mate may come along and you won't even notice. You'll be late for an artisan butchery class and run right by (or over) him. ( msn.com )

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Sneaky Ways to Save 7+ Hours Every Day

Sneaky Ways to Save 7+ Hours Every Day - The easiest way to stop feeling so stressed? Add a few more hours to your day! Just try these tricks to carve out more time.

Save 10 Minutes

Skip the suds.Shampoo every other day (or even every three days) -- it's better for your hair, you'll save time in the shower, and thanks to the miracle that is dry shampoo, no one will even notice.

Stop the scavenger hunts.Two minutes looking for your cell phone, five minutes tearing the house apart for your keys, nine aggravating minutes searching through the pockets of every pair of pants you own to locate your wallet -- it all adds up. Save yourself the time and stress by cleaning out your wallet/purse/pockets/whatever on a regular basis and placing your keys and phone in the same spot every time you enter the house (a basket or tray in the entryway or kitchen works well).

Use shortcuts. Bookmark websites you frequently visit, create shortcuts on your desktop for applications or folders you open regularly and enter new contacts into your phone's speed dial.

Procrastinate at work. How can procrastinating save you time? Allow us to explain: If you normally get stuck spending the entire morning at the office on the phone with Chatty Kathy -- aka the sales rep who talks your ear off every time you call -- wait until the end of the day to ring her. At 5 p.m., when she's rushing to get things done so she can go home, she'll be more likely to get down to business (and less likely to gab about the new cleanse she's trying so she can lose the baby weight).

Screen. Caller ID was invented for a reason, people! So only pick up when it's someone important (like your boss and, okay, maybe your significant other) or you actually have the time to talk. As for your mom, the bank promising you a better deal on your mortgage and your best friend with her 10th crisis of the week? Call 'em back when you have time (like when you're waiting in line to return something)...or never -- it's up to you.

Save 20 Minutes

Cut commercials.Sure, you've been waiting all week to watch the new episode of Glee. But trust us, you can wait another hour. Take advantage of TiVo, DVR or your Internet connection (stations like CBS and Fox post episodes on their sites soon after they air) to watch your favorite shows -- commercial-free.

Make errands efficient. Plan to pick up your prescription between two meetings or grab TP on your way to work (if you're not too embarrassed to waltz into the office with your Charmin in hand). That way, you won't be tempted to wander around the store browsing, saving you both time and money.

Turn up the intensity. Cut your gym time in half by alternating between spurts of high-intensity cardio and slower recovery periods. Studies have shown that 20 minutes of intervals can burn just as many -- if not more -- calories than 40 minutes at a steady, mid-intensity pace, and you'll burn more calories for hours afterward. Bonus: Add a little resistance or up the incline to burn even more calories in the same amount of time.

Curtail cook time. Considering the average woman spends 46 minutes a day on food prep and cleanup, it's not hard to see why takeout and frozen dinners are staples for many households. But you can actually save money, calories and time by trying one of our quick and easy weeknight meals that'll have you sitting down to eat in 20 minutes or less.

Save 60+ Minutes

Multitask.True, in some cases doing several things at once, like trying to finish three presentations at the same time, can actually slow you down (shifting focus zaps enough time to really add up). But there are situations when multitasking can add minutes (or even hours) back on the clock, like when one or both tasks don't require much focus. Some multitasking moves that can save you time: watching your favorite shows while you work out, going through the mail while you're on hold with the cable company or throwing in a load of laundry while you wait for the oven to heat up.

Turn off personal email alerts. Checking your email every time a new message pops up in your inbox kills your focus and wastes more than the two minutes it took to read about J. Crew's 30 percent off sale -- there's also the time it takes to refocus on what you were doing just before your inbox dinged, buzzed or flashed. To stay on task, switch off the email alert setting and set a calendar alert for every hour (or half hour, if you must), reminding you to check your mail. Relax -- if someone really needs to reach you, there's this thing called a phone, and it's actually far more efficient.

Stop surfing.Ever notice how what was supposed to be a five-minute celeb gossip break can easily morph into a 45-minute sesh spent reading about the merits of the new Shake Weight? Check out RescueTime.com, a website that will monitor how much time you spend on certain sites, alert you when you've been there for too long and even block certain sites you can't help but procrastinate on (besides TheNest.com, of course).

Skip the gym. Now here's one we love. If you're working out intensely five or more days a week, feel free to cut back...to three or four. Fitness experts insist that more isn't necessarily better when it comes to exercise. Giving your body a day to recover can help you go harder and faster the next time you work out.

Set deadlines.Ever notice how your coworkers who have kids somehow find a way to get their work done by 5 p.m. every day? Believe it or not, they're not running on baby-induced adrenaline; they're just wasting less time during the day -- gossiping, online shopping, perusing YouTube-ing -- because they know they have to leave to get the kids, no matter what. Deadlines help you work much more efficiently. So even if you don't have kids, give yourself a deadline by making plans to meet a friend for happy hour or your trainer at 6 p.m. sharp. ( msn.com )

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