Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts

When Is It OK for a Parent to Leave a Newborn?

When Is It OK for a Parent to Leave a Newborn? - Parents with young children always face the dilemma of when they can leave them with others to have a little "me time."

For Rebecca Eckler, a Canadian journalist, it was after 10 weeks when she took a vacation and left her newborn son with her fiancé's mother and the nanny. Eckler never thought taking a vacation would generate the backlash from readers of her recently published article.



My fiancé runs a charity golf tournament every summer in Mexico," she wrote in an article for Mommyish.com. "I will be tagging along, not to golf, but to lie around, read, visit the spa, and eat a lot of guacamole."

Eckler told ABC News, "I think a happy mom makes a happy child and you know your child better than anyone else. Everybody's going to have an opinion about something including this."

Eckler admitted in her blog that her six-day trip was "… a vacation for me … since I can't read the mind of a 2-month-old baby, I'm not sure he's really going to miss me."

She added: "Yes, I'm ditching my baby… I think that, even from his early age, I'm teaching him a sense of independence."

Fellow Mommyish.com blogger Lindsay Cross had a different opinion. "When my daughter was young, spending a night away would have been more stressful than relaxing," she said.

One reader said Eckler is "self-indulgent," adding that "if you need a weekend away after only 10 weeks, you weren't ready to become parents."

In Eckler's defense, this is her second child and she admits in her story that she didn't leave her daughter for a night until she was 3 months old. "I spent my night looking at photographs of her, calling my parents every 30 minutes to see if she was all right," she wrote. "But I was a first-time mother then.

"Nine months of pregnancy is a very long time and is very hard on a woman's body," Eckler said. "Pretty much by two weeks in I think most women actually do need a vacation. (


Blog : Popular Styles | When Is It OK for a Parent to Leave a Newborn?
READ MORE - When Is It OK for a Parent to Leave a Newborn?

NJ mom sues over breast-feeding video-turned-porn

NJ mom sues over breast-feeding video-turned-porn — A New Jersey mother is suing an Iowa production company after an instructional breast-feeding video she appeared in was taken by a third party and used to create pornography.

A federal court judge ruled last week that MaryAnn Sahoury's lawsuit against the Meredith Corp. could proceed. In January 2010, Sahoury agreed to demonstrate breast-feeding techniques with her month-old daughter in a video for Parents TV, which broadcasts original videos on parenting. Sahoury, who had had trouble breast-feeding, wanted to help women who faced similar difficulties, she said.


http://l2.yimg.com/bt/api/res/1.2/2lXsOMBrAVmFtOtpun8UTA--/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3M7Zmk9aW5zZXQ7aD00OTY7cT04NTt3PTYzMA--/http://media.zenfs.com/en_us/News/ap_webfeeds/94d5fb80594fcf16170f6a706700df52.jpg

Maryann Sahoury poses for a photo at her home in Wood Ridge, N.J. on Thursday, Aug. 9, 2012. Sahoury is suing a production company after an instructional breast-feeding video she appeared in was taken by a third party and used to create pornography. (AP Photo/Katie Zezima)


"I didn't get paid to do this. I didn't want to be some sort of celebrity," Sahoury, 35, told The Associated Press. "I did this to help other moms."

Sahoury claims she was told by a producer that only first names would be used in the video. When filming was over, Sahoury was asked to sign a piece of paper; she was juggling her daughter and signed it without reading.

Months later, Sahoury Googled herself. She was shocked by the results: numerous links to pornographic sites and videos containing her name. She clicked on one and saw the breast-feeding video spliced with a woman of "similar features and stature" performing sex acts, according to the lawsuit. Sahoury then Googled her infant daughter's name, which also returned links to pornographic sites and videos.

"It was terrifying," Sahoury said. "It was like I can't even control my life and it was spiraling out of control."

Sahoury's full name was used in the video, the lawsuit states, yielding the Google results. The lawsuit also claims the video was placed on YouTube, when Sahoury was told it would appear only on Parents TV and cable television. Her lawsuit is seeking an order prohibiting the defendants from using the video featuring her and her daughter for any purpose; it also seeks attorney fees.

Meredith said the paper Sahoury signed was a release authorizing the company to use her "image, voice and name," according to her suit.

The lawsuit states the Des Moines, Iowa-based company initially worked to help find the person believed to be responsible for the video and remove it from the Internet, but the help waned. Sahoury said videos kept popping up even after they were taken down.

In a statement, Meredith said it is "appalled" that the video was misused and it hired lawyers to file take-down demands and Internet specialists to clear online caches and continues the "good-faith efforts."

"We have taken these actions even though Ms. Sahoury signed a full release for herself and her daughter," the statement said.

Sahoury said she hopes the lawsuit leads to greater Internet protections.

"I never want this to happen again," she said. ( Associated Press )


Blog : Popular Styles | NJ mom sues over breast-feeding video-turned-porn
READ MORE - NJ mom sues over breast-feeding video-turned-porn

Ten Things Every Mom Should Know

http://l3.yimg.com/bt/api/res/1.2/dESxiJ8A1NVnl.8rblEe1A--/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3M7cT04NTt3PTMxMA--/http://media.zenfs.com/en-US/blogs/partner/470_2445626.0

Ten Things Every Mom Should Know - When you're not following your maternal instinct, motherhood feels like grade school math class-a game of trial and error and guess and check. We took a trip down memory lane to compile the best mothering tips from REDBOOK over the years to make your life a little easier-and a little happier. By Rosa Heyman, REDBOOK


1. You can raise a healthy eater

Get your kids into the kitchen. Christine Mastrangelo, R.D., a registered dietitian in Wakefield, MA, explains, "Children feel important when they're asked to pitch in, and because they take pride in the finished product, they're more likely to have an open mind about eating it." Chef hats come in small, too.

2. Motherhood is a learning curve


It's OK to make mistakes-everyone leaves their daughter's blanket on the roof of the car and drives off in the parking lot or snips their son's eyebrow by accident during an at-home haircut. Learn from your mistakes and move on-don't beat yourself up.

3. Let Dad parent, too

Valerie Davis Raskin, M.D., a Chicago-based psychiatrist and author of The Making of a Mother: Overcoming the Nine Key Challenges-From Crib to Empty Nest, says, "In this culture of perfectionism, it's easy to fall into the trap of 'If I don't do it, it won't get done right.' Kids want to be loved in different ways, and to experience different aspects of love. As long as Dad's ways aren't dangerous, it's a good idea to let it go."

4. Plan outfits ahead of time

To make your weekday mornings a little less hectic, plan your children's outfits for the week on Sunday afternoon. If your kid likes to play dress-up, the routine will become a fun fashion show as soon as you put on some Glee-or Madonna.

5. Laugh at yourself, a lot

The next time you find a cheerio in your hair and catch yourself eating it, or you talk in a baby voice to thank the cashier at your grocery store, laugh. Motherhood is fun and funny and hard-enjoy it.

6. Get over yourself, Pinocchio

If it means that your kids will pick up their toys, or take a nap, or eat broccoli, then it's okay to tell the occasional white lie.

7. Apology accepted

You say sorry to your husband, so why not your kids? Though you and Dad may be The Law, you can still be wrong. Saying sorry is just a small gesture that teaches your children that no one is perfect. Your kids will understand that we all make mistakes and it is better to acknowledge and learn from them so that you can both move on without hard feelings.

8. Don't feel guilty for working-or not working


Both child care and maternity leave were invented for a reason-for you to take advantage of! Regardless of your feelings about the current debate of whether women can have it all, make a choice that is right for your family and feel good about it. Your kids will thank you later.

9. Motherhood is not a competitive sport


Some moms can be as competitive as Mob Wives, but that doesn't mean you have to participate in their horse-and-pony show. Instead, find a team of moms from your office or your neighborhood for support and companionship so that you can all enjoy the ups and downs of parenting together-along with a cold glass of rosé.

10. Family feuds happen


Even the Brady Bunch had their fair share of disputes. Kids are a ton more likely to fight with their siblings rather than their friends-that sort of unconditional love defines family. According to journalists Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, authors of NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children, sisters and brothers who spend time together but bicker will be closer later than siblings who play separately. (
Team Mom )


Blog : Popular Styles | Ten Things Every Mom Should Know
READ MORE - Ten Things Every Mom Should Know

Are You Ready for Your Kid to Google You?

Are You Ready for Your Kid to Google You? - We're all aware of how the Internet has pretty much destroyed our privacy. Potential employers read our blogs, our retired parents comment on embarrassing Facebook photos, and Foursquare pings the world if we go to a bar at noon. (For lunch, I swear!) But that's life these days: we live our lives online and overshare with strangers all the time. But it becomes slightly more problematic when we're parents: what happens when our young kids are old enough to get on a computer, type in our names, and see what comes up? The problem with the Internet is it never goes away. And for someone like me, when that day comes, it isn't going to be pretty.

Let me explain. I spent almost three years writing a sex column for Maxim magazine and then wrote a book based on the columns that was called -- wait for it -- "Dirty Girls." I felt it was all very Carrie Bradshaw and wrote lines like, "Men have no idea how much women masturbate," and "Sometimes we like to fantasize about orgies." At the time, I didn't have a child, nor did I consider a future in which I might have a child. The columns were fun, a bit dirty, and a decent-paying freelance job. But then I fell in love, got married, and now two years later, suddenly I do have a child -- a chubby, grubby toddler who genuinely loves his mommy. Not the mommy who wrote sex columns for Maxim, but the goofy one who makes up silly songs and gives him raisins and cheddar bunnies on demand.


http://i.huffpost.com/gen/712839/thumbs/s-KIDS-GOOGLING-PARENTS-large.jpg


The fact is, I have changed since my son Charlie's birth. I don't just write about sex anymore (sex? what's that?) and am trying to focus on all sorts of different topics like parenting and travel. Still, I worry every day that he won't love me as much when he's 13 years old and reads online that his mommy once wrote, "I'd always suspected, but now it was confirmed that I was seriously slutty." Will his friends bring my book to school and taunt him with it? Will he cry? I worry that the only impression my former job will leave is just years of therapy for my son. Am I making things worse by even writing this article?

And if I wrote some racy stuff in my past, what about the kids of people like Playmate Kendra Wilkinson or porn star Jenna Jameson? They all have young children now and a sordid past that will never escape them.

Our own parents had it easy. Unless they were public figures, they could hide whatever bad things they did in their rebellious youth or any time in their lives. My mom claims she was a folk-music-loving nerd who only drank coffee in college. My dad says he was a straight-laced athlete who studied hard and put himself through business school. (Neither of these claims are totally true, by the way, but I believed them because that's the way you want to think of your parents.) But now we're all public figures, and the jig is up!

I guess it's easy enough to check your Facebook page for incriminating photos and only write happy, G-rated posts on your blogs, but that's not a reality. Parents use their blogs to bitch about stuff. They use bad words on Twitter and sometimes don't know when they've been tagged in a Facebook photo doing beer bongs in college. Everything is out there, compiled in a neat electronic file that our kids can easily click on -- and then use what they find as ammo against you for the rest of your life. (Just imagine: "But Dad, you did that when you were my age!") Sure, there are ways to bury and hide your online life from the public's prying eyes, but that's hardly realistic for the average person.

After months of fretting about the day my son Googled me, I've decided that it could be worse. I've never written anything mean about anyone else. (And never would.) And when I wrote about sex and relationships, it was always from a female-positive perspective, teaching men how to treat us well both in and out of bed. If Charlie someday learns that women's bodies and minds are complicated and interesting from something I've written, that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's a reality, and will still be one once he's older and discovering girls on his own. And though it would spare me some awkward conversations, there's nothing I can do to change my past. That's who I am, and every aspect of who I was, good and bad, has shaped the kind of woman I am today.

Charlie has a right to someday know exactly what I was like when I was younger. If I try to hide it and act ashamed of my younger self, then it's likely he'll be ashamed, too. But if I embrace who I was, who I've become, and what I've written, then I think that's probably a good life lesson to teach: to live life unabashedly (ahem -- within reason, just in case you're reading this someday, son) and try not to care what others think about you. Who knows, maybe if he Googles me as a teenager, he'll actually think I was cool at some point in my life, instead of just an annoying old lady who listens to lame oldies like Coldplay and Rihanna. And I'll be able to show him exactly what my kind of cool looked like. ( huffingtonpost.com )

Blog : Popular Styles | Are You Ready for Your Kid to Google You?
READ MORE - Are You Ready for Your Kid to Google You?

What's your style of parenting?

What's your style of parenting? - How you are as a parent does play a very important role in forming the personality of your child as s/he goes into adulthood. We tell you more

Do you pride yourself as one of those new age parents, indulgent yet strict as per the needs of the situation? Do you worry endlessly and even stays up till your kid get home from a night out with friends? Are you constantly going through your child's belongings - cupboard, books, online profile, SMSes, etc? Do you always tell your child what to do and what not to just to 'keep them safe'?

All parents have their own style of parenting - their way of bringing up their children. According to Bela Raja, child guidance counsellor, one's parenting style, if negative, can have an adverse effect on the psyche of the child even to the point of causing damage. "A good style of parenting is one where parents respect the needs and emotions of their child as much as the child respects the parents. It's also important for parents to encourage the development of the child's self-esteem. They need to teach him/her to feel good about themselves. Moreover, no matter how silly or insignificant it may seem, a child's concerns have to be addressed, even if it's just the fear of entering a room alone," she says.


http://timeopinions.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/cb8696-001.jpg?w=600&h=400&crop=1


Bela adds that since the child's first social interaction is with the parents, the style of interaction used here will have a significant bearing on the child as a grownup. TV anchor Mini Mathur, mother of seven-year-old Vivaan opines that she is a moderate parent. "I guard against being over protective so that he learns to fight his own battles. For now I am playing the role of a guide, protector in the hope that he learns to be independent and take his own decisions as an adult," she explains. And though at times she does get 'extremely over-indulgent', she is also the disciplinarian in the family.

"Kabir is the indulgent, knowledge imparting, fun type of parent, so the task of balancing things out and keeping Vivaan in check is left to me. Thankfully he's growing up to be a well balanced, sensitive and grounded kid, so I guess I'm doing something right somewhere," she says.

If you're worried that your college going kid is splurging too much on clothes or shoes, this behaviour could be the result of you saying no to them everytime as kids or if your child hesitates to take any decision on his own, it could be the result of you being an over-protective or dominating parent in their younger days or if people complain that your child is overly arrogant and rude, it could be because you did not correct these faults in his/her childhood itself.

Here are some parenting styles and what the potential outcome could be like:

Over-protective parents: Leads to clingy adults

A child growing under overprotective parents faces severe detachment problems as an adult. If you don't let him/her face life in all its shades, they will grow up to be excessively dependent, weak and seek help for trivial matters.

TIP: Such behaviour can restrict your child's emotional intelligence. Give them an opportunity to explore the world without constant interference.

Suspicious parents: Leads to lying, distrustful adults

It's okay to keep a check on your child, but overdoing it can hamper their trust instinct. The child will then panic at the sight of your call or message. To save face, they may even resort to lying. Over suspicious parents envision fear by putting this fear in their child, they raise suspicious adults with low confidence.

TIP: If you have an excessive urge to check on your kids, have a frank talk with them and look for a solution. For instance, they can call you every time they reach their friend's house, instead of the other way round.

Absusive parents: Leads to an extreme personality

It's all right to point out your child's mistakes, but use of emotional or physical violence can scar them for life. Abusive parents permanently damage their child's cognitive development leading to low self-esteem and confidence. Such children grow up to be extreme personalities - a total rebel or a doormat.

TIP: Identify the first signs of losing your temper.
See if it's the way your child talks or their mistakes that annoys you. Take precautions at this very stage.

Pushy parents: Leads to suicidal adults


Pushy parents who want their kids to be winners all the time put kids under extreme pressure leading to nervous breakdowns or even suicidal tendencies. Such parents find it hard to digest failure and they crush the child's personality. Even as an adult, such kids strive to conform to others expectations, which, when unfulfilled, will create a feeling of worthlessness.

TIP: Share positive feelings with your children. Encourage kids even if they don't win a competition.

Comparing parents: Leads to a show off


Parents, who don't empathise with their child are quick to deform their child's personality. This leads to adults who harbour excessive feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem and self-pity.

TIP:
Even if you disagree with your child, use positivity. Avoid comparing siblings and phrases that hurt.

Passive parents: Leads to arrogant adults

Parents, who don't participate in their child's activities or those who feel too sorry for being hard on their child, turn them into difficult adults. Such parents are often unable to say 'no' and the child grows up to be an overconfident person, who cannot accept mistake or accept criticism positively.

TIP: Spend quality time with your kids. Do things together, such as painting, story telling, going to the park, etc. In case they make a mistake, point it out gently. Do not give in to your child's whining, crying or temper tantrum, as it only reinforces the behaviour. ( indiatimes.com )

Blog : Popular Styles | What's your style of parenting?
READ MORE - What's your style of parenting?

Older dads linked to grandkid health

Older dads linked to grandkid health, study hints — Finally, some good news for older dads. A new study hints that their children and even their grandchildren may get a health benefit because of their older age.

It's based on research into something called telomeres — tips on the ends of chromosomes.

Some previous studies have associated having longer telomeres (TEE-loh-meers) with better health and longer lives. Telomeres haven't been proven to cause those benefits in the general population, but a number of researchers think they may hold secrets for things like longevity and cancer.


http://l1.yimg.com/bt/api/res/1.2/M3OM4FaJlEikyKrs6U0sEg--/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3M7Y2g9OTU4O2NyPTE7Y3c9OTAwO2R4PTA7ZHk9MDtmaT11bGNyb3A7aD0yMDM7cT04NTt3PTE5MA--/http://media.zenfs.com/en_us/News/ap_webfeeds/0862773d697e4410120f6a706700738a.jpg


As you age, telomeres shorten. However, previous studies have shown that the older a man is when he becomes a father, the longer the telomeres his children tend to have. The new research confirms that and finds it's extended to the grandchildren.

That's a cheerier result for older dads than some other studies in recent years that indicate their kids are at heightened risk for things like autism, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.

The new work didn't look at health outcomes. That's a future step, said researcher Dan T.A. Eisenberg of Northwestern University. He presents the results with colleagues in Monday's issue of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

Carol Greider of Johns Hopkins University, who shared a Nobel Prize in 2009 for telomere research but who didn't participate in the new study, said it's no surprise that the telomere effect would extend beyond children to grandchildren.

She cautioned that since older fathers also tend to pass more potentially harmful genetic mutations, it's "not at all clear" whether advanced paternal age gives an overall health benefit to children. In a statement, the Northwestern researchers said their study shouldn't be taken as a recommendation that men reproduce at older ages, because there's a risk of mutations.

The researchers' work involved an analysis of telomeres in blood samples from a large, multigenerational study in the Philippines.

One analysis of about 2,000 people confirmed the idea that the older your dad was when you were born, the longer your telomeres tend to be. That held true throughout the age range of the fathers, who were 15 to 43 at the time their sons or daughters were born.

Researchers then extended that another generation: The older your father's father was when your father was born, the longer your telomeres tend to be. That analysis included 234 grandchildren. A separate analysis found no significant effect from the mother's father.

The telomere contribution from a grandfather adds to the one from the father, researchers found.

Some previous studies of the impact of older fatherhood have been less encouraging. In 2010, for example, at least two big studies confirmed a link to having children with autism, with one finding that a father's age makes the biggest difference when the mother is young. In 2008, a big Swedish study strengthened evidence linking bipolar disorder to older paternal ages, although researchers said the risk was still so low that it shouldn't discourage older men from having children. (

READ MORE - Older dads linked to grandkid health

'Mommy Porn' Is Making its Way to a Theater Near You

'Mommy Porn' Is Making its Way to a Theater Near You - If bestselling books turned into movies are hot, bestselling books about kinky sex turned into movies about kinky sex must be even hotter. 50 Shades of Grey is the "triple-X" trilogy originally self-published by E.L. James that's being devoured by women across the U.S. The New York Post's Dana Schuster recently covered the growing popularity of the series among Upper East Side moms, who say it has changed their lives; in many bookstores, it's sold out entirely, and aspiring customers are not happy about that. (You can get it for your e-reader, friends.)


http://cdn.theatlanticwire.com/img/upload/2012/03/26/50shadespic_1/large.png


In the three books in the series, readers get the story of 27-year-old billionaire and BDSM-aficionado Christian Grey, who seduces the innocent Anastasia Steele into becoming his submissive sex slave. During the course of their developing relationship, there's plenty of sex, and not of the vanilla sort. Despite what many are calling mediocre or worse writing, the book has been touted as a sex-revitalizer for couples, a reading-revitalizer for people who haven't read a book in years, and a bonding tool for women. And movie studios have clearly seen the potential of making a movie based on a book with a zealous built-in readership, a fact that has resulted in some dramatic bidding negotiations. Today, it's been made official: Universal Pictures and Focus Features have won the rights to make the movies. According to a statement from James Schamus, chief executive of Focus Features (via The New York Times): "At its core, this is a romance of the most emotionally resonant, but delicate, order – and we look forward to working with our colleagues at Universal to transform E L James’s vision into a great film."

Delicate, indeed. These are some tricky issues the studios are facing. It's a movie about sex rather than one about violence (see The Hunger Games) and so the rating will certainly not be PG-13, nor will the studios attempt to appeal to a fanbase of young adults. But even for an adult audience, the making of the movie is sure to present some challenges: Going all-out for an NC-17 rating, for example, versus getting complaints about a dulled-down movie version of the book to suit an R rating, is just one. The possibility of being banned in certain towns and theaters is surely another. As Julie Bosman writes in The Times, "One thing seems certain: a film adaptation of 50 Shades would have to be toned down considerably in terms of sexual content, unless the producers are seeking an NC-17 rating. (Scenes throughout the book graphically describe the erotic interplay between Christian and Anastasia, who have entered into a dominant-submissive relationship.)"

How this will play out both in terms of ratings and the making of the film is bound to be interesting. And, bigger picture: If studios can get women to pay to see this sort of sexually explicit material on the big screen, might we sitting on the precipice of a whole new genre of theater-accessible "lady porn"?

Of course, there's a long way to go until the movie, a reality surely not lost on Knopf Doubleday, which will be releasing new trade paperback editions of the series to bookstores in April. (Remember, by the time The Hunger Games came out, there were some 24 million copies of the book in circulation in the U.S. alone.) If book sales can drive movie success, and historical precedent says it can, 50 Shades may well be a comparable—though very different—blockbuster of its own. ( theatlanticwire.com )
READ MORE - 'Mommy Porn' Is Making its Way to a Theater Near You

The six best things about tweens

The six best things about tweens -- When my kids were younger, friends with tweens gave me dire warnings: "It's a whole new world -- much worse than the terrible twos." "You won't believe the change in your kid -- like night and day." "Just wait until they hit middle school; brace yourself."


http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/dam/assets/120223064523-tweens-best-things-story-top.jpg
As your children get older, you enjoy doing more things together -- like shopping


Now my older kids (A.J., 11, and Mathilda, 14) have reached the dreaded tween/teen stage. And guess what? I'm still waiting for doomsday to strike.

Don't get me wrong; we've had a few bumps. But there's more to tweens than hormone surges and moodiness. In many ways, these crazy years are my favorite phase yet. This is why:

The good news: You have a new buddy

Yes, I know, your job description doesn't read: "My Kid's Best Friend." And, no, you're not equals. But the tween years provide endless opportunities to bond on a deeper level than you did when your child was little.

I can take Mathilda or A.J. out to lunch and have a completely different experience from a few years ago, when a trip to a restaurant meant watching them color the kids' menu and knock over their milk. Now we discuss everything from their friendships to current movies to politics. (And if they have to go to the bathroom, they find it on their own.)

Sharon Pomerantz Strelzer recently experienced an unexpected buddy moment with her 10-year-old daughter, Samantha.

"We had a rainy movie day, just the two of us, and the choices were to see either 'Pink Panther 2' or 'Confessions of a Shopaholic,'" says the Fairfield, Connecticut, mom. "Samantha said, 'Let's save the 'Pink Panther' for Daddy and have a girls' day out!'"

The two happily watched "Shopaholic" together.

Make it even better: You've got to shift gears during the tween phase, says Susan Kuczmarski, Ed.D., author of "The Sacred Flight of the Teenager: A Parent's Guide to Stepping Back and Letting Go."

"Enjoy the changes and be aware that she is entering a new phase -- don't expect the same old behavior."

The good news: You're past the do-everything stage


I recently realized I hadn't washed anyone's hair but my own for ages. (Mathilda has taken over giving baths to my youngest child, 5-year-old Mary Elena.)

When the tween years come around, it's exhilarating to be free of the drudgery that comes with parenting small children: wiping bottoms, pouring juice, tying shoes. Not only that, but tweens can actually help around the house in meaningful ways, like emptying the dishwasher and taking out garbage.

"It's simply less physically exhausting to be the parent of a tween," says Jen Singer of Kinnelon, New Jersey, the creator of Mommasaid.net, a parenting humor and advice website, and mom of Nicholas, 12, and Christopher, 11. "My kids make their own lunches and their own beds. They're self-cleaning. When we go skiing, I don't have to run down the slope holding them in a harness. The day-to-day stuff is much easier."

Make it even better: Celebrate each new task your kids can do, and get over any guilt you have that you're slacking off by letting them take on more, says educator Annie Fox, author of the "Middle School Confidential" series.

"Some parents mistakenly equate dependence with love," she says. "They feel that 'if he doesn't need me, he doesn't love me.' But do you really want to be cutting your kid's sandwiches when he's thirty?"

Encourage independence by giving tweens more complex home projects once in a while. Athena Marsh of Sewickley, Pennsylvania, expects her sons (Roy, 14, Jay, 11, and Theo, 9) to do laundry and feed the cats, but sometimes asks them to try something a little challenging.

"Last year I had Roy put a new handle on the toilet," she says. "He did it all by himself, just following the insert for directions. He was surprised -- and very pleased -- he could do it."

The good news: He gets the jokes

Your tween will love sharing a whole new level of wit -- puns, wordplay, sarcasm. Breakfast at Singer's home sometimes feels like open-mic night at a comedy club.

"The other day, my eleven-year-old asked for an omelette, and I misheard him; for whatever reason, I thought he said 'Obama-lette,'" says Singer. "So I turned around and said, 'What is that -- filled with hope?' We all cracked up. A few years earlier, it would have been me laughing by myself."

Make it even better: Laugh along with your tween; some of the sweetest bonding times come from sharing inside jokes and offbeat references. In our house, A.J. does spot-on impersonations of characters from The Simpsons. His Marge, Mr. Burns, and Krusty the Clown bring the house down, and sometimes I find myself saying, "Excellent!" to them in a decidedly Mr. Burns-ish voice.

This is a good time to expose kids to more grown-up movies and books, both current and classic.

Of course, how far you want to go is a personal decision (our family is most comfortable in the barely PG-13 world). Recently I've introduced my kids to some of my old favorites (Monty Python, SCTV, and Peter Sellers in "The Mouse That Roared"). They're constantly quoting from them -- it's like having our own secret language of humor.

The good news: She's interesting


Tweens develop passions and hobbies, whether it's basketball, Wii games, or musical theater. When Mathilda saw "The Lord of the Rings" movies, she became interested in sword fighting.

We finally let her sign up for fencing lessons with a friend, and now she's an expert on the difference between a foil and an epee. Half the time I have no idea what she's talking about, but her enthusiasm is contagious.

And taking an active interest in your child's sport or hobby is good for her, too, says Fox. She gets to be the teacher, which is a major confidence booster.

Make it even better: Find a hobby you can pursue together. Marsh's son Jay is a food buff, so they often cook dinner as a team. Jamie Woolf of Oakland recently started a mother-daughter book club with her kids, Anna, 14, and Leah, 10.

"We really connect over the young-adult books we're reading," says Woolf, author of "Mom-in-Chief: How Wisdom From the Workplace Can Save Your Family From Chaos." "It's allowed me to see a glimpse of middle school culture -- crushes, cliques, and so on."

The good news: His friends are hysterical

Sure, a group of tweens can get loud and squirrelly, but you're privy to some of the most off-the-wall conversations ever.

From listening to my son and his fifth-grade buddies, I have a fairly good understanding of the 11-year-old male mind. (Obsessive collecting -- video games, Bakugan, songs from iTunes -- is the norm, and no one else's parents have as many rules as your own.) Carpooling with tweens is a world unto itself: When Singer hauls 11-year-old Christopher and his buddies to soccer practice, she usually cranks up the radio and listens to the kids belt it out.

"Last time, we all ended up singing Coldplay together at the top of our lungs," she says.

Make it even better: "Offer your house as a gathering spot for your tween and his friends, or be the mom who drives everyone to the mall," Woolf advises. "Taking advantage of their need for a ride is the best way to get to know their friends."

Woolf has even brought her girls' pals on vacation. "You get a very real sense of who they're friends with and what they're up to."

The good news: She wants to help

When tweens take on a project -- whether it's cleaning up a local park or volunteering at a food bank -- it's all or nothing. Maureen Pearson was surprised but thrilled when her 11-year-old daughter, Laura, asked to volunteer at the retirement community where Maureen works.

"She really clicked with the residents," says the Harrisonburg, Virginia, mom. "On her first day, she bounced into my office and exclaimed, 'I met a woman who was a hundred years old!'"

Lately Laura has also begun babysitting in her church nursery.

"She's all about being helpful," says Pearson.

Make it even better: Let them know how proud you are of their kindness and generosity, and do everything in your power to help them act on it. I recently took my kids through an exhibit on the AIDS epidemic in Africa. We all were blown away by the stories of suffering kids and the photos of children who are available to sponsor.

"We have to take on one of these kids," said Mathilda, grabbing my arm. "It's only thirty-five dollars a month."

My initial, knee-jerk reaction ("Do we have an extra thirty-five bucks in the monthly budget?") paled next to her enthusiasm. How could I say no?

Don't forget the power of your example, adds Fox: "If your objective is to raise a good citizen, you have to show what that means," she says. "Make it your business to be involved, and your kid will get involved."

Look for family opportunities for volunteerism; the more time you spend with your tween, the happier everyone will be. And that's not terrible at all. (Parenting.com)
READ MORE - The six best things about tweens